Friday, January 15, 2010

Who am I?

As I sit here at 5:45am wondering what am I doing up (thanks Zach for getting up at 3am), I ponder what happened to me.  Not in a "oh my where did my life go" but in a "where did the happy go lucky gal go".  I say this because this question was asked of me by a former classmate who found me on facebook recently.  It really got me thinking "who am I now?"....

I know when we become Moms and wives that our priorities change and so do our personalities, even a little bit.  I know when I first got married I still went out with my girlfriends (I had not moved where hubby was yet) and let loose and had fun.  Then I moved to where hubby was and from then on I think I have lost bits of myself and my happiness.  I don't have a hard time making friends but the friendships didn't seem as "real" as those I had with the people I grew up with and knew me and my family very well.  I just wasn't happy anymore.  I was thrilled to be married but I just wasn't happy, kwim?   

When we moved overseas (Turkey and Germany) and lived on small bases, I got my happy go lucky self back and started really hanging out with the wives and having a good time again.  I think it was partly that we were in a foreign country and we wives banded together cause we were all we had!  I really miss those gals and still keep in touch with them even though we are scattered all over the US! 

Our time in Belgium is what really got to me and I think really changed me.  My hubby worked very long hours there (as he has his whole career) which kept me home alone with two kids (Maddie was born there)  and the base, well lets just say I didn't make any connections there.  Yeah I knew people but no one I wanted to really hang out with and make any lasting connections.  I remember thinking "why did I want to leave our last place?"  Our Belgian neighbors were/are wonderful and we still keep in touch with them and their family, they are what made that place bearable.  While we were there I changed.  I got used to just sitting at home and not going anywhere.  I was missing my friends terribly and kind of depressed.  My happiness was gone.   

So this year I have vowed to get my happy go lucky self back.  My former classmate asking me what happened to Wendy really made me snap out of it and realize my unhappiness will take a toll on my kids if I don't change.  Yeah it really sucks that I am home with kids all the time but you know what, I need to step up and ask for help.  I will look for a responsible teen (or ask a friend) who lives near me to watch my kids for me so I can go out, even for a couple hours, to walk around the mall, get my hair done, go workout, whatever I am just going to get out!  I love my kids but I am realizing I am losing myself not giving time to myself and in the long run it is not good for them or me.  I am also throwing myself into school and finish my degree early so I can get back into the workforce and do what I want to do with my career.   I am thankful that I can stay home with my kids but do miss working and being around other adults talking about things other than our kids! 

So, this is my year to get my happy go lucky self back so hold on and enjoy the ride!  It may be bumpy but in the end it will be smooth sailing! 


More than a Mom said...

I was feeling EXACTLY that same way just before I started blogging. I needed to be MORE THAN JUST A MOM. I needed to find me again, and that's hard. Good luck on your journey!

Drea said...

It sounds funny but joining MOM'S Club and hanging out with other moms has helped me get back to the social, happy gal I used to be before I was a mom. Good luck! :)

Wendy said...

I know Andrea...that is why I do plan on getting more felt great seeing you all on wednesday! I am looking forward to the krispy kreme tour!